Hello FriendsI haven't been able to blog in quite some time. The last month has been a real bummer for my family. Let me explain.
My brother and his wife are getting a divorce. They have been married for almost 17 years. They have two boys, 13 and 9 (On Sunday). This has been a difficult thing to deal with because I have seen a big change in my sister-in-law in the last 10 years and it hasn't be a good change. I feel as though I have let my brother down. I saw what she was doing and instead of saying, "Hey I have a feeling that your life is in the crapper and I am there for you, Mike." I did nothing. Why? Because I am the biggest Chicken. I was afraid of Kathy. I didn't want Mike to have more misery. But by my cowardice I think he probably felt alone- for a long time.
I am heartsick right now. I feel like he had no one to go to. No one to talk to. He is hurting. He loved this woman. We all did. He had to make this decision not knowing if he had the backing of his family. The guilt I feel at this point just cuts me to the quick. To know he has been suffering for so long and I sat by and did nothing is the most horrible feeling ever. I let my little brother down- BIG TIME!!
I can't expect you to understand this. You see, we come from a family of divorce. My dad left us in the dust when I was 3 and Mike was and infant. He showed up to a few years later with promises of getting back with my mom only to leave after my sister was born. My mom was very young and clueless. She went to college full time to get her nursing degree. She wasn't around much so we pretty much raised each other. We were ridiculed in the town that we lived in. We went to a parochial school (remember this is in the 70's) where were were shamed continually because our parents poor choices. We were the scum of the earth and only had each other- But that was enough. ( I will say only by God's grace and guidance did we make it out of that mess alive and He gave us what we needed. Looking back I can see His constant protection and activity in our lives and I am humbled by it.)
My brother was a great husband and a wonderful father. He got his kids to school, picked them up afterward, got them home, did homework with them fed them and got them off to bed- by himself. He is a very hands on parent. His boys love him dearly.
The thing I am learning is that his estranged (how weird is that word) wife was a big part of my life for the last 20 years. We were very close. I was her maid of honor and she was my matron of honor. We talked all the time. She was at all our family get-togethers. She was present at the births of my two children. She is a big part of our history. I was looking back at old photos and I just lost it because she in so many of them. She WAS my sister. And even though she walked away from this family years ago, this is a loss that hurts. At on point she was a lovely, delightful person but she became a person who seeks worldly things to keep her happy.
Stuff does not bring you happiness- It forms you into a greedy, self-serving, selfish, hurtful, hateful being. You will never be able to fill the void caused by wanting things because there is always more to want, get, need and one up on. This cost her her marriage. My heart breaks for her as well even though I am sooo angry with her for the way she has hurt her husband and children.
I ask that you pray for my brother Mike and his family. Pray that God would reveal himself to them. Pray for mental strength and healing. Thanks.
My hope is that my brother and his boys will grow even closer during this trial. And that God would show them how He can take something hurtful and turn it in to something good.
The picture above is of my bro-in-law Jack, nephews, Noah and Joe and my boy, Jack
